What Stops Mothers from Putting Themselves First?
The shift from prioritizing your needs to prioritizing your children’s needs is often immediate. As soon as your new baby is placed in your arms, your own needs are often put to the side while you focus on this new life in front of you. Knowing that an infant can’t fend for themselves and needs you is just one reason why most mothers stop putting themselves first. There are also many other important reasons, including the following:
Mom Guilt
Many mothers feel immense internal and external guilt for taking time away from their children to focus on their own well-being. For example, a mother needing to prioritize their own mental health and recovery may put off having their questions about UnitedHealthcare mental health coverage answered if it means they have to spend money on themselves or not put their children first.
Even participating in a hobby outside of their children can sometimes make them feel as though they aren’t prioritizing them, even if a hobby makes them a better version of themselves. To manage mom guilt, practice self-compassion. Treat yourself with the same grace and empathy you would a close friend. You should also remind yourself that self-care isn’t selfish, and that pursuing your own interests models balanced living for your children.
Societal Conditioning
While fathers are becoming more involved than ever before, there are still cultural expectations that dictate that women should be the primary nurturers. This means that whenever they take time for self-care, some people may incorrectly perceive it as selfish.
It’s important to understand that what society believes and what should happen are two different things. You deserve time out just as much as fathers do.
Burnout and Loss of Identity
The reality is that caregiving can be all-consuming. When you’re taking care of your children from the moment you wake until the time you go to sleep, it can become difficult to know what you need or enjoy anymore. As a result, there’s a risk of chronic exhaustion. Burnout and a loss of identity are not easy fixes. However, you may see glimpses of your true self shine through by sharing the load and asking for help.
Mental Load
The physical toll of caregiving is just one part of it. Many mothers also carry an invisible workload of managing schedules, planning meals, remembering appointments, and anticipating everyone’s needs. When your brain is switched on 24/7 to make sure every member of your family is taken care of, it can be difficult to have the capacity or time to think about your own needs.
Financial Limitations
Adding another person to a family generally means your household income must stretch further. Many families plan for this, but it doesn’t mean it doesn’t take a toll. Self-care often costs money, through therapy, hobbies, fitness classes, or even a coffee outing with friends.
Many mothers may opt out of such self-care activities in favor of spending that money on their kids. In reality, a walk in the park with friends, a book in the bathtub, and meditation in a quiet patio area are all free activities that may have more of an impact than you think.
If you don’t remember the last time you put yourself first, it’s time to change that. Seek the healthcare you need, pick up your old hobbies, make time for self-care, and ask for help when you need it. You deserve to be more than a parent.
