I was selected for this opportunity as a member of Clever Girls and the content and opinions expressed here are all my own.
When your young and in love, passion comes easily. Like most, I never thought it was something that I would need to work at one day. That was until I had three kids, one crawling into bed with us each night, and twins learning to sleep through the night. Combine sleepless nights with long days wearing old yoga pants with spit up stains on them, and the passion and romance had been replaced with bags under my eyes and a quick kiss as we ran in opposite directions.
I remember thinking this phase will pass and we will have that spark back without any hiccups. However once we become mommies, all the phases of life seem busy. Now that the kids are in school and I am able to find a moment to shower and my yoga pants are no longer covered in baby vomit, it still takes work to keep the spark alive. The kids are in school, yet we are running from one sport to another, homework takes times and our days are still packed. However I have learned to make a conscious effort to stop and take time to work on my husband and I’s physical and mental connection beyond the kiss as we run out the door. This is an important part of marriage and I want mine to last well after the kids have moved out and my days are quieter.
Here are 7 ways we keep the spark alive:
1. Make sure to take at least one night a week to reconnect. The kids have an 8 o’clock bedtime and on most nights my husband is at work and I’m cleaning and creating content here, however I make a conscious decision to let the dishes go and leave the toys on the floor when my husband is home for the night. The mess can be cleaned in the morning, however my husband will be back at work. This is our time to relax and just be together.
2. We make date nights a priority. Whether we are getting a babysitter and dressed up to head out for dinner, or grabbing take out and movies after the kids go to bed, doing something together is important. The kids are finally at an age where getting a sitter isn’t as daunting but while the twins were younger we would have movie nights, game nights, or invite other couples to our house. Just making memories as a couple helps keep the passion alive.
3. We take time for ourselves. When the twins were tiny and I had 3 in diapers, this wasn’t as easy but even then something as simple as a 10 minute shower by myself would put me in a better head space so that romance could be on my mind. Now that the kids are older I can see the difference taking an afternoon to myself can make on my mood which positively impacts my marriage.
4. Get out of the yoga pants, or at least put on a clean pair. Its hard to feel sexy when your hair is in a messy bun and your clothes have unidentifiable baby fluids on them. Take some extra time to get dressed and do your hair even if its just to sit and drink a glass of wine together.
5. Turn off the technology. Between social media, television shows and the internet, it is so easy to be next to your spouse yet feel miles away from each other. Put all the gadgets away and talk, look at each other, spend time connecting.
6. Kiss! On your way out the door, when you get home, before bed, when you wake up, KISS. Kiss often and kiss well, pecks on the cheek like you kiss your grandmother goodbye don’t count.
7. Get physical, touch each other often, and have sex. Sex eases stress, counts as exercise, improves sleep and more. So make sure your not neglecting the passion between the sheets. Sometimes after a stressful day it can be hard to get in the mood when your head finally hits the pillow. Sometimes we can get into a longer funk and we cant get in the mood no matter how our day goes. Women’s sexual wellness is not addressed as often as it should be. As we all face times that we lack desire, time or effort to engage with our loved ones, we should not be embarrassed about our sexual drive (or lack thereof!). Luckily Fiera® recognizes that women may need an extra touch, as we call it ‘before-play,’ to help get your mind and body in the mood.
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